Hi Mom! by Adam Bishop (Very Rough Draft)

Hi Mom! by Adam Bishop

The neighbors were banging on the door.

Apparently, some people expect

You to be out of bed

By the time the sun has set.

I got up,

They yelled.  I screamed.

They left.

I guess I was victorious.

Until another knock came at the door.

I gave them the finger

Verbally, but there was still a persistent annoyance

At the entrance.

The excitement from before

Had lingered on like the whispers

From the empty bottle next to your

Cold fingers, aching for another sip.

I gave the person ten more seconds.

Ten more seconds and

This jackass was about to miss

That abusive hand of his.

He continued to beat my door.

There was going to be a dead man

In about two seconds.

And then my phone went off.

“Hi!  Would you like to learn about your Lord and savior?”

Had my phone not interrupted

Our holy encounter,

Maybe he’d have his own pair upstairs.

The person on the other end of the line

Got an earful himself,

Until I had realized that it was

That one Sunday most men don’t wish to forget.

I had gotten her some flowers,

A box of chocolates

And most of the other meaningless objects

That say “I love you,” with the added costs.

She was happy that I took the time

Out of my horrifically busy day

To acknowledge how much

Of a horror I was for her.

The conversation ended,

And I was determined

To not be a sloth

And get some work done.

I washed myself up,

Got dressed,

Made an afternoon breakfast

And was ready for the adventure.

The door, or what was left of it,

Remained hinged to the side of the wall.

I pulled it open and suddenly remembered

Why it was a sin to work on the Sabbath.

“Hi!  Would you like to learn about your Lord and savior?”

The nut was still outside,

And now that Mom had already called,

I was free to crack this one open.