For Z
Part I
If October is like X
Then May is like Y
If October is glass pavement
Slipping on fallen leaves
Then May is bright and sunny
And full of allergies.
I remember October
2 a.m. on Halloween
We both fell in the bushes
Looking for a place to breathe.
So caught up in the moment
Our clothes collecting on the
ground
We didn’t care or even notice
The leaves, prickly and brown.
The sun rose in May
I awoke and looked around
Soon sadly supposing,
You didn’t want to be found.
Why you left after seven months
I guess I’ll never know,
Three years have passed now
And I still miss you so.
Earlier this morning
I had plans for the day
I knew where I’d be going
And what I would say.
Through green and sunlight
I could finally unload
But my tire caught a crack
And swerved quickly off road.
Into the dark
Where I lost all control
It wasn’t just physical-
I wanted to strangle his soul.
My hands weren’t capable
All they got was his coat
With all this anger driving them
I’m surprised it wasn’t his throat.
And this too made me think of you
How you threatened him
When I told you he was untrue
And that’s where it all begins.
If you still love me
Then why’d you let me go?
I’m committed to him now
And our love cannot grow.
I found a place
To be planted in the shade
So as not to be burned
But still see the sun’s rays.
Once in a dream
I took all that I love
And safely placed it
Down below from all that’s above.
We could recycle the air
First it’d hit the surface
Then new bubbles would return
With new meanings and purpose
We could do anything-
Whatever we wanted
Tame seahorses or find
Shipwrecks being haunted.
Part II
I never thought life
Could be so mischievous
I mean, seriously God,
I’m getting really sick of this
Sometimes we are blinded
What we need is in reach
Or we can’t give up what we have
Its justifications, we preach.
That’s the worst, you know
When you just can’t follow through
To give up something bad
That pushes and breaks you.
I know you hate him,
But really, he means well,
He’s soft on the inside
Even under that hard shell.
One day I was pushed too far
Screaming colors closing in
I couldn’t believe it was happening
Soon I would take his sin.
All the bickering and abuse
I didn’t want to be powerless
I know I said I’d never do it,
But believe me what happened next.
I gave him a nice swat back
Right across the face
To make his world bounce
And his crooked heart race.
The worst thing he ever said to me
was
“I’m telling you the truth.”
But his “truth” was wrapped in lies
Probably brought on from his youth.
These days I’m still holding on
My gaze, my body, and my heart,
Locked on something so broken
It was never really art.
If we were to pick up the pieces
And put it back together
It’d just be an ugly mosaic
That’d keep crackling forever.
Just a collection of stones
Glued to form a boulder,
That knowing us,
We’d probably throw at each other.
Listen to the options
You are given
Some may only seem like death
While others truly aren’t worth
living.
Once in October I told a stranger
That I didn’t have herpes.
Three years later
He’s still in love with me.
But it’s not October, it is May.
And in come the allergies
Life is mischievous
God help me, please.
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