A letter never sent:
Lately I have been having these nightmares
That I let you get the best of me again...
I am on the ground looking up at a lesser version me.
I need to run the other direction
It has me stuck...
I am stuck. I'm always stuck on you. And I'm ashamed of that...
I have a side of my heart that sees shame don't you get that?
Like its running on dirty oil...
Keeps beating because it feels right or it's necessary to...
But I'm necessary, and loosing myself to you again isn't fair... I can't do that.
I want to love you but I can't do it
There is a pit in my stomach that is filling with remorse... I can't forgive myself
No respect, this pendulum swings in my mind.
OH but that’s right you DO respect me baby... You told me so...
Just as much as you love your mom and your sister, right?
I don't see it...
Everything of who I am like it's free or cheap or easy to come by.
But I’m not free or cheap... I am passionate
I'll be damned if I let you kick me while I'm down twice.
Saying stupid shit like “we are always going to be in touch" or
"You’re that one girl that I think I could end up with"...
End up with? End where? I'm not trying to end my life with someone...
I want to bask in my loves warmth and light.
I'm not counting on it.
I am Scared of you.
I’m scared of what you really think of me.
“I have her heart beating bloody in the palm my hand..
Her arteries are intertwined in my knuckles
I can give them a tug whenever I want to keep her hooked..”
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