Two Word Insult- Madelyn Miller

Two Word Insult

I think you’re self-indulgent.
I saw the way you dried your own tears while apologizing to me.
Maybe you were only crying in vain. Steaming salty cascades only to soothe yourself.
Forgive yourself. Is it possible you didn’t care to have me forgive you?
You are self-indulgent, and sour-hearted.

I have seen how your eyes light when I talk about the pain you caused,
You sour-hearted, self-indulgent, two worded man.

I’m sorry. Two words. That’s an insult at this point.
I have spent years twisting what you say into sweet succulent words of my liking.

I swear he is sweet. I felt it when he graced my cheek during dinner.
I know he is succulent. He engulfed me in morning covers, kissing my forehead.
He smelled like honey.

He is consumed by me. He must be. Why else does someone spend 8 years?
Up and down, I have been inverted for you. I thought this was reciprocated.
Your intentions aren’t like mine.
Efforts to the point of inversion. I throw my head below my feet, scrambling my order of things. 

Disoriented, dizzy, fuddled. My heart and lungs in a steady trusting pattern, Synchronized.
I fucking trust you. There is no logic to the rhythms that I vibrate to. 

Sometimes when I stew in my anger for you I think of things I wish i could say in person.
Your eyes always make my tongue quiver.

A series of two words. That’s all I would need.
Self- indulgent, sour-hearted, cowardice-liar, immature-bastard.
Not personal enough.
Innocence-stealer, aorta-clenching, back-handed lover of mine. 

I’m so sick of the cliché. God damn it I’m not generic or predictable.
I have this section of me.. This corner; a crevice.
It can always be predicted to forgive your faults.
It can always turn itself into a two worded, easy to read being.

My crevice is Love-drunk and hopelessly-twitter pated.
Churning and pining. This corner within me exists only to search for meaning.
It is ever-devoted to a two worded man and his single minded intentions.