Soured disconcern:
I wasn’t prepared. This wasnt the plan.
You see, I saw things at a distance.
Parts and configuartions.
I planned accordingly.
But this? No. That deep dive will take
time.
And I guess you expect me to accept this?
That a pool awaits my arrival and the
jump may be steep.
I practiced breathing in the shower,
Turing my head in and out of the stream.
It’s a start I suppose, but no this
wasn’t the plan.
They say I should be aware.
And that this really could just be the
tip of it all.
I filled a bucket with luke warm water.
Submeging my head. Practiced hearing my
voice muddled.
A way for me to comrehend the void.
That concept really widdled at me.
A went from standing tall to crawling to
the tub.
I was petrified as I saw it reach the top.
Trembling I went in arms length to pull
the plug.
That night I dreamed that I was just
below that plug.
Someone was above me attempting flood the
drain.
I wasn’t prepared for the surge that
would hit me.
Like a waterlog. My lungs jolted and
compressed.
And you know what? That scared me.
This idea that plans are useless.
I stuff the cracks of my door with towels
now.
And I don’t expect things to stay in
arrangments.
I know now that descent from plans to
reality.
All those times starring in the distance.
Parts and configurations. Jumbled in
hindsight.
It’s really a shame that I am so jaded
now.
I think thats how it happened; this
apathetic side of me.
I Suppose you’ll tell me not to sloutch.
Keep my chin pointed upward.
That was my plan. But this?
No. I wasn’t prepared.
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