X and Y - By Heidi Curtis

X and Y

Part 1

X equals brilliant red, orange, brown crunchy leaves

A layer of frost pinching morning features

Thick dark nights consume the day too early

Monsters and nightmares come alive

X equals October

 

Y equals blossoms and flowers reaching for the sun

Birthday parties explode

Cool drinks, flip flops and the sweet smell of sunscreen

Y equals May

 

Earlier today on the 7^th of May

I rode my bike to school on a long winding road

Trees on both sides, Y

Orange and black road, X

Ten minutes I road on X examining Y

 

X+Y= the light and dark aspects of everyday

In October when leaves begin to die and cascade, X,

 While eating bright colored candy, Y.

Napping in a dark room, X,

with soft fleece blankets, Y.

 

And this too reminds me of a cemetery

 on Memorial day where X and Y meet.

Dark grave stones remind us of the ones we’ve lost, X,

But the blinding sunlight gives us hope of a better place, Y.

 

Trees and shadows are eerie, X,

But flowers set by headstones, a sweet gesture, Y.

The dead rotting underground, X,

The living honoring them, Y.

Once in a dream I was swimming on a bright summer day

I dove down and saw a statue looking upwards toward the life I just dove from

She stared at it longingly and with awe.

Because of her death new life formed on her:

Coral, enemies, barnacles

A place for fish to live

But I had to come back up for breath

 

Part 2

I never thought life could be so dualistic

But everything has it’s opposites:

Black and white

Boy and girl

Short and tall

Alone and together

Old and young

Life and death

October and May 

 

But opposites are on a line

X ß--------à Y

And somewhere they meet to make:

Grey

Intersex

Average

Self love

Middle aged

Existence

July

 

Believe me what happened next was life.

Be it  ugly, beautiful, small , big or anything inbetween

We each meet between X and Y

 

The facade of life we want to see as:

Ideal, perfect, loving, beautiful

All of which it can be

But it can never be those things without

The naked, fat troll experiences

We have

We do

We are

 

Dancing the Cotton-Eyed-Joe in life

One foot and then the other

Never one without the other

 

The worst thing ever said to me was

“Strive for perfection.”

I think I’d rather dance in my dualistic rhythmic choreography

 

These days I might try to embrace the falling parts

 of myself that may seem more frail

An use my strength to hold them up

and let the beauty of my weaknesses shine

Because I can’t soar high with just a half

So I must embrace my whole self to be free.

 

Listen to the things I’ve said and remember:

that life is hell wrapped with flowers

and you are a chocolate covered insect

an sometime you’ll taste the sweet

and other time you will get stung

and THAT is PERFECTION.

 

Once in October I went to our high school rivalry football game

The Emotion Bowl

Tensions were high

The stadium packed

You were defined by orange or blue

Neck and neck the entire game

As the buzzer rang every one held their breath

And watched the ball fly through the air

TOUCHDOWN! Blue WINS at the last second

The stadium was split into

Elation

Disappointment

From the same event

 

But today is not October

It is May

Today I am walking on graves

I am dancing with flowers in my hair

Soaking up the UV rays

And judging other people

I am dark but mostly light today

And THAT is PERFECT