America's MadLib by Connor Deeks

America’s Mad Lib by Connor Deeks

There are starving children left on your plate,

There are giant hippos in candy stores,

There are meatball subs driving SUVs,

There are Idaho potatoes jumping

On trampolines in the big ol’ backyard,

There are hot-air balloons at their work desks,

There are Wisconsin cheeses ordering

McDonald’s burgers with extra cheeses,

There are huge diabetic marshmallows

Filling hospital beds eating Jell-O,

There are Kentucky-fried chickens walking

About the yard sipping on oxygen,

There are Buffalo Wild Wings chuggle-ing

Soda pop just before bedtime at 2.

There are epic meal times filling meal times,

There are Snack Packs found inside brown lunch bags,

There are low-fat Oreos devouring

Ingested high-fatty Eggo waffles,

There are school buses filled with cream filling,

There are those identical Twix bars,

One that is skinny, the one other fat,

There are cows in church and whales in classrooms,

There are Rolie Polie Olie’s amuck,

There are earthquakes getting out of their beds,

 
There are Krakens jumping into public pools,

There are Danimal’s Drinkable Yogurts

Sneaking Ben & Jerry’s from the freezer,

There are all these amazing things around,

Make-believe ideas from children’s dream worlds.

But all I see is an obesity problem.

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Poem of the Day: Mad Lib Elegy

Posted: Sat, 13 Apr 2013 00:00:00 -0600

There are starving children left on your plate.

There are injuries without brains.

Migrant workers spend 23 hours a day

removing tiny seeds from mixtures

they cannot afford to smoke

and cannot afford not to smoke.

Entire nations are ignorant of the basic facts

of hair removal and therefore resent

our efforts to depilate unsightly problem areas.

Imprisonment increases life expectancy.

Finish your children. Adopt an injury.

‘I'm going to my car. When I get back,

I'm shooting everybody.'

[line omitted in memory of_______]

70% of pound animals will be euthanized.

94% of pound animals would be euthanized

if given the choice. The mind may be trained

to relieve itself on paper. A pill

for your safety, a pill for her pleasure.

Neighbors are bothered by loud laughter

but not by loud weeping.

Massively multiplayer zombie-infection web-games

are all the rage among lifers.

The world is a rare case of selective asymmetry.

The capitol is redolent of burnt monk.

‘I'm going to my car. When I get back

I'm shooting everybody.'

[line omitted in memory of _______]

There are two kinds of people in the world:

those that condemn parking lots as monstrosities,

‘the ruines of a broken World,' and those

that respond to their majesty emotionally.

70% of the planet is covered in parking lots.

94% of a man's body is parking lot.

Particles of parking lot have been discovered

in the permanent shadows of the moon.

There is terror in sublimity.

If Americans experience sublimity

the terrorists have won.

‘I'm going to my car. When I get back

I'm shooting everybody.'

[line omitted in memory of _______]