Embarrassment by Peter Gidlund

Embarrassment by Peter Gidlund

The Doleful Troll, under his bridge plays his
miniature ukelele, not knowing
how to finish his tune, stuck under the bridge.

Like a Great Sphinx, but in reverse, he tells
anyone who wanders near an assortment
of faux pas, miscues, and just all around goofs.

Have you ever had a pair of great pants?
Like a pair of pants that understood you.
You list this pair of pants as your role model.
Have you ever ripped a hole in the crotch?
Have you ever been the last one to know?

Do you forget to attach documents
to emails after you claim to have attached it?

Do you know the sick feeling of having
your underwear being touched by loose hands,
because you did a huge load of laundry,
ate some cake, and took an impromptu nap?

Have you ever heard your favorite song starting
to play and mistimed the first word?  Awkward…

Have you been waiting for the transit/
with the glorious day about to get
straight up carpe diemed/ your blazingly early,
break neck bus approaches on the horizon,
to realize you have two different shoes on?

Do you consistently appear clumsy in photos?

Have you ever had too much to drink
without enough words to speak or to think
and your monologue might be quite verbose
at first, but then your train of thought is derailed
as your speech ends with a sentence fragment-

Have you ever tried to holla at a
girl in Ping's, she turns as you say "hello,"
looks at you as if you have a bread nose,
cringes and shoots you a patronizing "hey,"
she skitters away with her chai latte.

Have you ever been at Pizza Planet
buying a couple of pies and hot wings,
the cashier comments to have a fun party,
but there is no party, there is no fun.
And under the bridge, the troll regrets regrets.
It could be worse, but it could be better.
He could be suave, but at least he has pizza.